Every once in a while the Internets gives us something we just can't help but be thankful for. Sometimes, it's a brief video of one of your favorite astrophysicists dancing to a Michael Jackson song. Other times, it's something so seemingly surreal, you just can't help but ponder how it came to be. The subject of today's entry, most definitely falls into the later category.

In his video "Antichrist Numerology In Gangnam Style", as well as countless other acts of crazy on his YouTube channel (including several more on both songs in question), former furniture engineer (cause apparently, that's a thing you can be) turned self-proclaimed "Co Prophet of The End Times" and "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" AKA William Tapley, uses the age old pseudoscience of numerology to decipher the deep philosophical meaning behind the videos for "Gangnam Style" and Carly Rae Jepsen's, "Call Me Maybe". Both of which it turns out, are littered with secrete messages from the Antichrist. Which I don't completely disagree with. Well, I do. But I would like to think that the creators of such things are actually THE devil.   

Using the convoluted, Sudoku-like number game, that is numerology, numerologists like Tapely (who's also a Catholic, BTW. Which seems conflicting, but, whatever) are able to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and otherwise BS their way into discovering triple fives and sixes or whatever else they might like, wherever they may go looking for them. From there, it's just a simple matter of applying the correct (and always predictable) theological/supernatural associations, with a little bit of confirmation bias, and serving of personal agendas in order to make your case.


In his video breakdown, The Co-prophet wastes little time before offering irrefutable proof of his claims; beginning his dissertation by decoding the scene to the left. A scene which he believes, is obviously meant to be a depiction of the four horseman of the apocalypse, as well as the lesser known two scantily clad dancing girls of the rapture.

In fairness, I added the bit about the dancing girls. But, really? THOSE are the four horseman? How disappointing would THAT be?



From there, we move on to the first "REAL" bit of numerology in the video, when Tapley clearly establishes that PSY is meant to rep his man the dark lord, based on the appearance of the number 18 on a column in this next scene. Which, as he clearly explains, can be decoded as:  

" 8 + 1 = 9, Or, of course, as the Antichrist's number, 6+6+6."

Yes, of course it could.  It's like when your math teacher taught you that 11 + 2 = 13. Unless of course it doesn't. In which case, the answer is 4. No? ... Never happened? DAMN YOU PUBLIC SCHOOLING!

Later, PSY apparently goes on to meet his rival, "the man in yellow" (believe me I'm just as shocked as you are to find out there's apparently an actual story arc involved) who young William pegs as a representation of the g-o-d, because he is: A) PSY's enemy. Remember, PSY is the devil. And, B) There are 3 fives on the man in yellow's license plate. I mean, really. They're right there. Ya, they're separated by some other stuff, but they're there. You can't argue with facts, man.

There's also another long winded and convoluted bit about the number of numbers a woman in the video has on her shirt, and who/what she's supposed to be. But otherwise, things pretty much deteriorate completely from that point into personal interpretations about god being depicted as cowardly (since his guy wears yellow) and weak (since his guy looses) and a few other pretty standard Antichrist/rapture related apocalypse nonsense about multiculturalism, ETC. but there's nothing particularly entertaining about them. And my absolute favorite of Tapley's mental leaps in this video, actually comes in his much less thorough decoding (in this video anyway) of Carly Rae Jepsen's, Call me maybe. Which, again, he concludes to be a nuanced allegory for the war between god and the antichrist. In this case, with Carly representing Satan/sin, and the gay man in the video representing god, based on the iron-clad logic that his fake phone number begins with the prefix 555. But that's not even the best part.

That honor goes to the astonishing feat of mental contortion required for his decoding of the song's chorus. Which he believes is the Antichrist announcing his arrival, by saying:

" I [The Antichrist] just met you, and this is crazy [This, being the tribulation] so here's my number [gives you the mark of the beast] so call me maybe [my name is Mabus]". Yes, THAT, Mabus.

Mabus, if you don't know, being one of MANY interpretations of the name given to the Antichrist by Nostradamus. That's right, he actually managed to find a way to force a Nostradamus reference into all of this. Amazing.

It could probably go without saying that this is all ultimately very silly, if for no other reason, then because this man has clearly put more thought and consideration into the content of these two songs and videos in nine minutes, than anyone involved in creating them did in the entire production process. But the real, and ultimately unanswerable question you have to ask when you discover people like William Tapley is; is he for real? And the truth is, Poe's law is a thing for a reason. And with something this seemingly overtly insane, you can never really know for sure. Although I am inclined to think he means it. Because if this IS a character, and not a genuine statement of belief. He has both, persistence (given he's been at this since at least 2008) as well as one dry-ass sense of humor.

And I haven't even mentioned his music yet...

-CAINE-

According to many of the world's various pimps of the gospel, many people, particularly the youth of today, have a hard time understanding and connecting with the biblical word. Now, I know it might seem obvious to you why a disjointed collection of bronze-age myths and parables forced together to form a book filled with the alleged immutable truths of an unprovable sky-god, might seem silly from a 21st century, we all just watched a probe land on Mars via the Internet, sort of perspective. Because, well, it is.

But did it ever occur to you that maybe the real problem is that those often barely coherent, 2000 year old ramblings, are still being presented to the youth of today in the form of a 16th century old English translation? Ya, me neither.Then again, much like you, I prefer logic and reason over blind faith and denial. Houston pastor Chris Seay, on the other hand. Well, let's just say he CLEARLY prefers option B.

Which is precisely why Seay decided to enlist the help of Frank Couch, vice president of translation development for Nashville based religious publisher Thomas Nelson, not to mention a team of translators, poets and musicians, in order to create his very own modern translation of the bible called, "The Voice". Oh, and did I mention that it's basically written in the form of a screenplay? Ya.

Via The Voice homepage:

"The Voice is a dynamic equivalent translation that reads like a story with all of the truth and wisdom of God's Word. Through compelling narratives, poetry, and teaching it invites readers to enter into the whole story of God with their heart, soul, and mind. This bold new translation engages readers like no other Bible."

Notice that line about it being a, "dynamic equivalent translation that reads like a story"? Ya, that's code for, " we added words as we saw fit, in order to better sell our own interpretation of god's "true" word.". That's right, because merely adding stage directions just wasn't enough, Seay and company also decided to add some lines of their own. Ya know, for the sake of continuity, and maybe to flesh out some of the supporting characters a little.

But don't worry, Seay and Couch's team of re-interpreters was careful to italicize all the things they added to the original. So there's no way anyone will be confused about the original content and context of the text. We'll all just have to assume they've also devised a way of acting "italicized" as well, so the audience won't get all confused about which parts god wrote, and which parts Seay and friends just threw in for the sake of their would be hacky screenplay. Since they choose this format, in part, in the hopes of inspiring x-tian groups to put on more plays.

So if you'd like to have a bit of fun and frustration all at the same time. Then I suggest you head on over to hear the voice, and use their handy-dandy search feature, to read their translation of any bible verse you like. I recommend the tale of Lot and his daughters, which has always been one of my personal favorites. Because I've always felt that nothing summarizes the worth of biblical morality, quite like a tale that manages to glorify god's wrath, genocide, blind obedience, and the many virtues of drunken incest, all at once.

-CAINE-

I usually try and reserve most of the photo only stuff to the tumblr, but this one was just too good.

And just in case you don't get the reference:


So remember kids. Before you go calling someone "bald head". You might wanna make sure that someone isn't one of god's crew. Otherwise, the all loving, benevolent super-being in the sky, just might send bears to rip you, and forty of your innocent adolescent friends into tiny, little, bits. And That'll show ya.

NOW  STOP MAKING FUN OF MY PONYTAIL AND GET OFF MY LAWN, YA LITTLE BASTARDS!!!

-CAINE-