Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Voice, No, Not The Crappy Karaoke Show, The Crappy Bible With Stage Directions

According to many of the world's various pimps of the gospel, many people, particularly the youth of today, have a hard time understanding and connecting with the biblical word. Now, I know it might seem obvious to you why a disjointed collection of bronze-age myths and parables forced together to form a book filled with the alleged immutable truths of an unprovable sky-god, might seem silly from a 21st century, we all just watched a probe land on Mars via the Internet, sort of perspective. Because, well, it is.

But did it ever occur to you that maybe the real problem is that those often barely coherent, 2000 year old ramblings, are still being presented to the youth of today in the form of a 16th century old English translation? Ya, me neither.Then again, much like you, I prefer logic and reason over blind faith and denial. Houston pastor Chris Seay, on the other hand. Well, let's just say he CLEARLY prefers option B.

Which is precisely why Seay decided to enlist the help of Frank Couch, vice president of translation development for Nashville based religious publisher Thomas Nelson, not to mention a team of translators, poets and musicians, in order to create his very own modern translation of the bible called, "The Voice". Oh, and did I mention that it's basically written in the form of a screenplay? Ya.

Via The Voice homepage:

Read more here: a team of translators, poets, and musicians, to help turn 

Read more here: In this version of the holy book.. Well, let's let the official webpage,, explain:

"The Voice is a dynamic equivalent translation that reads like a story with all of the truth and wisdom of God's Word. Through compelling narratives, poetry, and teaching it invites readers to enter into the whole story of God with their heart, soul, and mind. This bold new translation engages readers like no other Bible."

Notice that line about it being a, "dynamic equivalent translation that reads like a story"? Ya, that's code for, " we added words as we saw fit, in order to better sell our own interpretation of god's "true" word.". That's right, because merely adding stage directions just wasn't enough, Seay and company also decided to add some lines of their own. Ya know, for the sake of continuity, and maybe to flesh out some of the supporting characters a little.

But don't worry, Seay and Couch's team of re-interpreters was careful to italicize all the things they added to the original. So there's no way anyone will be confused about the original content and context of the text. We'll all just have to assume they've also devised a way of acting "italicized" as well, so the audience won't get all confused about which parts god wrote, and which parts Seay and friends just threw in for the sake of their would be hacky screenplay. Since they choose this format, in part, in the hopes of inspiring x-tian groups to put on more plays.

Read more here: a team of translators, poets, and musicians, to help turn 

Read more here: In this version of the holy book.. Well, let's let the official webpage,, explain:
So if you'd like to have a bit of fun and frustration all at the same time. Then I suggest you head on over to hear the voice, and use their handy-dandy search feature, to read their translation of any bible verse you like. I recommend the tale of Lot and his daughters, which has always been one of my personal favorites. Because I've always felt that nothing summarizes the worth of biblical morality, quite like a tale that manages to glorify god's wrath, genocide, blind obedience, and the many virtues of drunken incest, all at once.


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