The TRUE Meaning of Easter, The Gospel of Jeshua Cottontail

Today is Easter Sunday, which marks the day that x-tians everywhere believe Jesus rose from the grave three days after dying on the cross on "good Friday", or as I like to call it, Martyr on a stick day.

To mark this apparently glorious occasion, the faithful crowd into churches everywhere to spend their morning listening to some sad little man or woman lecturing them about why they aren't good enough for god. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just left at home wondering, what's with the bunnies and the colored eggs?

The Answer, most people believe, is that Easter is actually a pagan holiday meant to honor the fertility goddess Eastre, or Eostra (Ostare, Ostara, Eastur, ETC, man language is a pain the ass sometimes), but I disagree. The mere fact that the word "Eastre" may seem SLIGHTLY similar to the modern word Easter, or the knowledge that Eostra's chief symbols happened to be the rabbit (which she was said to appear as during the full moon, that's right, she was a were-rabbit, deal with it), and the egg (which is still used to represent fertility and creation to this day), don't necessarily mean it's all about her!

No, I believe that the blasphemous heretics who spread such lies only seek to defame the name of the one true savior of all non-human animal kind, Jeshua Cottontail.