Thursday, September 29, 2011
From This Week's Compendium:
See that? THAT, is an entire freezer full of human breast milk. More importantly, THAT, is an entire freezer full of human breast milk produced entirely by one human being. No, really. Why would someone have a freezer full of breast milk, much less what looks to be multiple gallons of the stuff?
When a couple’s newborn had to spend time in the NICU, mom became concerned that she might stop lactating. So, she began pumping -and storing. Eventually, the baby came home, and the milk the couple didn’t end up using for their own infant, was donated to milk banks; cause apparently that’s a thing you can do. It wasn’t long before the couple was once again, with child, -cause, ya know, the first time around went so smoothly- and once again, that child would spend time in the NICU, prompting mommy to resume her pumping regime. Like their first, the couple’s second child eventually made it’s way home, where their was -if nothing else- certainly plenty to eat. But this time, the couple was unable to donate the excess milk mommy made -at least where milk banks were concerned, I presume they overlooked the: “random fetishists on the internet” option- because of certain medications she was taking at the time of pumping; thus leaving the couple with a freezer full of unused -potentially, chemically tainted- breast milk.
As so often happens when starting a family, the couple was soon faced with a move, and paying the high cost of transporting a freezer full of mommy juice; seriously, think about how much of this stuff you have to have in order to determine it to be, TOO EXPENSIVE TO MOVE! Not wanting to throw out the precious fluid, cause, ya know, what kind of sensible person would do that? Daddy, soon had a solution.That solution of course, was to try and see just how long he could survive, on nothing but mother’s milk. Cause, Ya know, There’s nothing creepy or weird about that.
Just how far will this experiment go? And what will the results be? Well, it looks like we'll never REALLY know the answer to either of those questions, as the couple had intended to blog about Pop’s little experiment, but appear to have rather quickly discovered that the internets, is not always a kind place, as that blog is already down. Now if I could just keep my lunch that way, everything will be fine.
And you guys thought Ice cream made from human breast milk was creepy.