Friday, July 29, 2011

Pastor Joe Nelms Thanks god for All His Beloved Sponsors, and his Hot Wife

Posted by Youtube user: Paulk9pg

What sporting event (and I use the term EXTREMELY loosely in this case) would be complete without someone first asking the all mighty dictator in the sky, to take few moments out of it’s busy schedule of permitting believers to commit genocide in it’s name, and watching poor children starve to death; to turn it’s attention to the outcome of a meaningless contest being played by a few dozen bored millionaires?

Well, pastor Joe Nelms went above and beyond at a recent Nascar event, making sure to ask, not only for the lord to grant protection to all the drivers in the race, but to thank his deity for providing each and every sponsor of the event, as well as his own “hot wife”.

“In Jesus name, Boogity, Boogity, Boogity,…Amen!”

No really, that’s how the prayer ended. I don’t know what that means, but I would like to sponsor a law requiring all believers to identify themselves from this point on, by throwing their hands up and yelling “In (INSERT DEITY HERE)’s Name, boogity, boogity, boogity, AMEN!”, whenever they enter a public space. Not only would this make it much easier for me to identify people to avoid in social situations, but it becomes a whole lot harder to sell anyone your mindless bullshit, after they’ve seen you throw up your hands and shout gibberish at a crowded room full of strangers; I realize that seems sort of redundant, but this form of gibberish is much more obvious to a wider spectrum of people.

At the very least, we can always hope that this whole product placement thing will catch on, prompting the mighty-one to move on to a new business model, and instead of begging money from poor people in churches, it can go straight for corporate sponsorship. After all, look how well that same model is working for America!

Git R Done!


VIA: GGB on Tumblr

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